Only Bards

“You're not going to ask about William Moon?”

“I have not felt as good in years.”

“Oh dear, let's just take everybody.”

“We will not fall into the frost and you will not die quickly. We will flay you from foot to head. We will look out your eyes. We will remove your tendons and play them with our lead guitarists' guitar.”

“It will not be fast, it will not be quick, it will not be pretty, and you will be alive for all of it.”

“You cannot lie.”

“I need a drink. Your strongest.”

“Only the most vile villains wear Adidas.”

“Kinsman, we share troubles.”

“I have seen this before.”

Deep in the Denev's Rest hallway, Scales — haste-coked, pants off, two-attacks-per-round — speared a restrained Duergar straight through the ribs. The DM's narration: 'you spear this dude, run him fucking through.'

Scales caught the fleeing Children-of-Splintered-Ice cultist at the top of the tower, delivered a flaying monologue so vivid the cultist began praying to die, and then blew the man's head off with a single spear strike. The man died ahead of schedule and considerably more pleased about it.

Speared the cultist reinforcement clean through in the sarcophagus-chamber fight — DM's aftermath: 'so lube, you find on him as he falls.'

Scales opened the Uphill Climb negotiations as the band's representative — Dreadie was still outside in the snow — and let Rourke's hospitality fund two Dirty Shirleys before anything else got done. He also quietly asked Kaldur, dragonborn-to-whoever-is-closest, why William Moon never comes up in these conversations.

At the Denev's Rest exorcism he fully committed to Roadie's bit: he snorted an open handful of cocaine off the bar in one go, popped shark eyes, took his pants off, used his dragon snout to vacuum the leftovers, breathed fire over the crowd for atmosphere, and body-checked through an interior wall to reach the Mind Master faster. His exposed dragon penis distracted an enlarged Duergar into face-planting into the wall. He speared one of the restrained Duergar through the ribs mid-combat and generally stayed in a two-attack-per-round haste-coke fugue until the fight was over.

After the fight, Scales pulled Dreadie aside for a vulnerable favor — a years-old throat injury had been shaping his voice, and he wanted it healed. Dreadie's Cure Wounds pulled a wet red lump out of his throat and Scales' real voice came back: a thick slow drawl from a town called Lewis-Anna (Louisanna), named after its two founders Lewis Dutre and Anna Winters. The band spent the rest of the night adjusting to the real Scales. At the back-half gig for the Uphill Climb's four priests, he jumped on a table, started grinding his saxophone on a priestess until she went visibly unchaste, and when she asked for Scales and Rico upstairs for the night, he answered 'oh dear, let's just take everybody.'

Debuted an Oath-of-the-Eldritch-Hunt spectral teleport-slash (Steinhardt's) on the Mind-Master Duergar inside the ferry hull — leapt forward on a glowing trail with a sax-note sting on the stab. Dropped Jared's wonderful visual of 'stabbing someone, releasing the weapon to blow into your sax.'

In the tower fight, held the choke-point and softened the lead Child of Splintered Ice before Kaldur's axe took him; then intimidated the last cornered cultist with the single most committed threat of the session — 'we will not fall into the frost and you will not die quickly; we will flay you from foot to head, we will look out your eyes, we will remove your tendons and play them with our lead guitarists' guitar; it will not be fast, it will not be pretty, and you will be alive for all of it.' The cultist refused to talk and begged to die; Scales obliged.

Healed Dreadie's split-in-twain penis with Lay on Hands after Scales had to grab the wounded part to make it work ('Dreadie, it's a little off-center'). Confirmed that Bot Withers' forehead snowflake was a Cryonax sign, not Aurel.

At the double-burning gig, got briefly distracted when Natty the half-orc barmaid climbed on stage straddling a cannon like Cher on the Battleship — then recovered to light the whole ensemble up in a radius of pink/violet Faerie Fire so that Natty's clapping half-orc ass became a glowing beacon over the pyre.

First real session in the band with Scales in play. Immediately took a bite from the Gillitrut Troll, went prone, then stood back up and speared the troll dog alongside Rico in what Havel called 'a proper double-double spit-roast.' Also used lay on hands to keep himself vertical mid-fight.

In the sarcophagus-chamber wave, drove his spear cleanly through a cultist — DM's aftermath narration: 'so lube, you find on him as he falls.' Refused William Moon's pitch (Kostov the Ratatouille moon knight later warned Scales that Icewind Dale 'was once a seat of great power and we have felt its loss acutely,' inviting a longer conversation Scales chose not to press).

Had a nighttime vision at the inn — a shimmering platinum dragonborn playing an alto sax like Kenny G, jamming with him, telling him he's on his way but needs more practice, then vanishing. Woke up dozy and quiet.

Spent the day getting steadily hammered — bar hair in the teeth all morning, Aurel's Tears at the Wet Trout — and then had to open the noon gig blackout drunk. Rolled disadvantage the whole set. Opened with what Havel called 'really experimental jazz' that smelled like 'wolf pussy'; Dreadie clawed the crowd meter back; Rico harmonized on a nat-20. Then Scales landed the final note on the tenor sax as an impossibly clean, clarinet-like singing note that took the crowd to tears — a critical performance close and a standing ovation. Between all this: closed at the Big Fat Knucklehead with Barbara Bush the low-bearded barmaid.

“I don't think these guys know about boat law.”

“You'll never take me alive, fuckers. Die, gorillas!”

“Suck moon, bitch!”

“I think I took a lot of the gorillas out before I went down.”

“Mr. Dazon, have you heard the good news about William Moon?”

“I land on my feet, at least.”

“By the power of William Moon, I possess the wherewithal.”

“It's just the first step, man. It just gives you a taste.”

“That's William Moon, bitch.”

“Yeah, so quit it with all the cults and join a real religion.”

“So you heard the good news about William Moon?”

“That's the power of the moon.”

“That's right, you got William Moon inside of you.”

Shot the restrained Felith in the face with the grey Moon-Bolt crossbow — true strike at advantage, through her chain-locked body, a clean execution. 'Fuck you, bitch. Moonlight.'

Mid-tower-fight, dropped a cultist reinforcement who ran in to help — one greatsword stroke through the neck mid-swing. Rico's benediction over the corpse: 'Suck moon, bitch.'

Charged in beside Kaldur and Scales during the Bolgrim wave, greatsword up, screamed 'That's William Moon, bitch,' cut down the last standing cultist, then hopped back and lobbed a snowball at the corpse for good measure.

Sliced clean through the neck of the cultist who'd been screaming 'MY COCK IS MY BUSINESS!' at Dreadie mid-fight. Rico's read on the aftermath: 'That's the power of the moon.' DM's read on the aesthetic: 'like a white trash kid making a video in his grandma's backyard.'

Speared the first cultist reinforcement in the sarcophagus-chamber fight directly through the heart with a thrown javelin — part of the man's heart still impaled on it as it stuck out the far side. DM canonized the move as 'the moon beam — the proper death for infidels.'

Deep in the sarcophagus fight — eyes closed, still twirling from the previous rotation — Rico came around into another cultist with the grey sword and dropped a Moon Smite on the strike, then stood over the body and burned his second smite slot as well. The cultist exploded with moon fire. Rico's benediction over the ashes: 'That's right, you got William Moon inside of you.'

Troy was absent this session, so Rico was lightly NPC'd by the DM alongside Kaldur. He stayed on-brand: a glassy thousand-yard stare any time William Moon came up, an inspiration-dispensing earnestness about 'you have to experiment to truly break through to the next level, bro,' a casual confiscation of the 'gorilla panic' packet Roadie offered to the eleven-year-old boy ('kid, stay off drugs') followed by Rico instantly doming the whole bag himself — not knowing Roadie had swapped the packets out for green tea. Face-planted a jump out of a Denev's Rest window and landed crotch-first on Kaldur in the snowdrift. Was invited upstairs by a priestess alongside Scales at the second Uphill Climb gig but the session ended before anything happened.

Opened the session chained to the moon-themed scabbard Kaldur offered to craft him. Took a 13-damage friendly swing at Scales after the Mind-Master Duergar on the ferry mind-controlled him, saved his dick on a divine-moonlight reaction, and then faceplanted the party's rocket sled into a snowdrift on the way north — Kaldur's new standing rule: 'Rico, you're not allowed to drive a fucking sled anymore.'

At the tower, acrobatically Conan-sword-rolled through a window to rescue the 'tiefling prisoner' and almost died for his trouble when Felith buried a dagger in his back. Repaid the hospitality with a Moon-Bolt true-strike crossbow shot through her face while she was chained up, then cut down a cultist reinforcement with the grey sword mid-'Suck moon, bitch!' Also pulled a 50-ft superhero landing out a fourth-story window chasing the tower-top runner and only dislocated a kneecap for it.

Took the brunt of the night at the Wet Trout. Roadie teabag-dosed his moonshine with gorilla panic (now confirmed as basically PCP); Rico instantly perceived Kaldur as an actual gorilla talking in Kaldur's voice, Dreadie as being 'balled to death' on the prep table, and a chorus of thong-dancing William Moons on the bar top. He pulled his greatsword and screamed for the gorillas to die until Enjee's Mind Sliver + Mind Whip combo knocked him out. He was then chained up and dumped in the heated outhouse where William Moon visited his dream to confirm Rico's name literally means 'the chosen one' and preach the Tenet of Prioritization. Woke up boasting that his smiting killed the werewolves.

At the prison, nearly sprang Dzan the Red Wizard by converting him on the spot to William Moon in exchange for freedom; Enjee and Roadie had to physically steer Rico away before Rico handed a death-row red-wizard his freedom. At the burning gig, laid a Dancing-Lights crescent moon over the pyre as his contribution to the show.

Got the cutscene of a lifetime — William Moon literally froze time to elevate Rico to paladin-of-lunanescent-suffocation status, gave him a level, and installed a party-wide mechanic: any bandmate who raises a weapon and shouts 'By the power of William Moon, I possess the wherewithal!' also levels up. Rico spent the rest of the session evangelizing this and pitching cult perks. Only Dreadie took the bait; the others held firm.

Doubled down mid-combat with 'chaos wolf, bitch' screams, moon-smite attempts that mostly got saved through, and a paladin-sandwich move on the Gillitrut Troll with Scales. Took a mauling from the troll dog and dropped into a 'fugue state, floating in moonlight with multiple William Moons singing in a choir' — Roadie potioned him back up.

Insisted to Kostov (who asked what the band was called) that the name is Chaos Wolf, spelled Q-H-A-O-S V-U-L-F — the first time the band has publicly committed to a name. Also gaslit William Moon's own pamphlets: William rewrote them mid-session to declare 'gay stuff is fine, actually,' and Rico pointed to the new fine print as if it had always been there.

At the Big Fat Knucklehead read the entire Book of Moon-nites aloud to a wide-eyed 'sleeping' Enjee for the full four hours of Enjee's rest, involuntarily indoctrinating him via osmosis. After the noon gig, disappeared into the VIP room with a groupie named Cassandra to fulfill Tenet #whatever ('spread the seed'), leaving the rest of the band worried about the reputational damage of unsatisfied groupies.

Dosed himself with Roadie's gorilla panic before the White Lady Inn gig, thunderwaved an imaginary spider-gorilla in the snow, and played the whole set naked from the waist up with one exposed testicle sticking out of his leather pants and a warped guitar. Still made 20 gp. Kaldur mended him back together between songs.

Whispered the band's real name — Men of Moonlight — to the heckling half-elf ambassador Therindrel of Waterdeep after Therindrel of Waterdeep called him the weak link, then helped Roadie serve him the roofie tea. During the seance the White Lady punished his 'get that gold' question by freezing his exposed dick into a camel toe.

Whiffed hard flirting with Prudence — his default pickup line ('so you heard the good news about William Moon?') did not land — but did earn an insight check that she is much more than the speaker's scribe.

At the Town Hall raid, lit up a cultist with Faerie Fire so the party could tear through him with advantage. Mid-combat Therindrel of Waterdeep the Blackstaff wizard turned up hunting revenge for the roofie tea — tried to Polymorph Rico as payback for the charm-and-drug at the bar — but the spell failed to stick ('I fight better when I'm injured'). Rico repaid the hospitality by beheading the cultist who was screaming about his cock.

On the geyser sled ride he snow-blinded himself; Kaldur crafted him moon-themed goggles. Opened the hidden-door trap in the William Moon barrow that Kaldur explicitly warned him against and got a titan statue dropped on his head. Then talked the party into believing (with DM-rewarded gaslighting) that Odin is William Moon in disguise and Asgard sits inside the plane of Isgard alongside Selûne's Argenteel.

In the sarcophagus chamber his hand went into Fenris' mouth for the Tyr-myth Gleipnir-chain trap; the hand is fine, but he pissed his leather pants a couple drops.

“I'm regular colored. I'm one of the good ones. I'm one of the good ones.”

“When I came here, I didn't think I'd get to kill so many fucking greyskins.”

“You know, I think I'm starting to think Roadie's a bad influence on people.”

“What the fuck happened to your voice?”

“No dwarf would lie and not have any Duergar they fucking killed.”

“Rico, you're not allowed to drive a fucking sled anymore.”

“We are weirdly more tolerant of half-orcs than other people — because of Pavel. They're the good ones. Some of them are the good ones.”

“By the power of the Borodin Sarmine, I'm not fucking saying that.”

“Don't put me in a situation where I have to kill Rico.”

“You got one fucking pound-ass or whatever and don't bother me none — you do what you want.”

“The Gravelguts are famous for our wisdom.”

“Two twos is three twos. So 222 is all.”

“Like my uncle always said, all elves suck, except for the good ones.”

“Hold the ball in while I close it with mending, or you're gonna bleed out.”

“It'd be real peaceful when they're fucking dead.”

“Come get some, bitches.”

Chopped the enlarged Mind-Master Duergar through the shoulder — a nice axe-stroke straight into the shoulder, bone separating audibly. DM narration: 'sounds like a fucking side of beef chopping through the ribs.' The Duergar screamed and bled out while Kaldur was already looking for the next one.

Below decks on the East Haven ferry, chopped the Mind-Master Duergar in half with the battle axe mid-escape — the small-form Duergar never finished shrinking back through his bolt-hole.

In the tower choke-point, 'Shaboopy.' Brought the battle axe down and dropped the restrained Child-of-Splintered-Ice ambusher in one swing. Kaldur's post-mortem: 'I'm not gonna lie, this is effective but it kind of feels makes me feel a little bad.' Roadie's reply: 'This is a me problem. You're doing good work.'

Blind in Roadie's fog cloud but reading the room through tremorsense — cut down the middle cultist without ever seeing him. Dreadie's after-image: the fog lifts and Kaldur is standing there covered in blood and eyeballs, going 'ah!'

Second wave, sword-arm on fire from Dreadie's Heat Metal, the last cultist swings three times at him with disadvantage and misses all three; Kaldur brings the battle axe down and calls the last kill of the fight.

Executed a surrendering cultist in cold blood. The cultist threw down his cudgel and went to his knees; Rico moved to convert him ('pledge allegiance to William Moon and the Moonanites?') and Roadie floated giving him one trip of the drug pocket to turn his life around. Kaldur's thumbs itched. He beheaded the man mid-plea — Roadie's aftermath narration: 'okay, there goes his head.'

Braced in the sarcophagus-chamber doorway with shield up, waited for the first cultist to press into the choke point, and swung the battle axe — sliced the man's head clean off before his second step landed.

Kaldur spent the first half-hour at the Uphill Climb patiently listening to Rourke insist that his uncle really did kill the chandelier dragon of Kerr Koenig with a brick — a story Kaldur has always suspected was bullshit but has to publicly accept because the uncle is his king. He also absorbed Rourke's heads-up about the Caer: the Speaker has taken ill, a dozen soldiers with black swords are now a private militia at the keep, and the town is quietly scared. He filed the whole thing away.

Inside Denev's Rest he immediately sniffed Deep-Duergar in the floorboards and recognized the operation as remnants of the Sunblight clan — the one his uncle had wiped out generations back. Kaldur declared this the Gravelgut clan returning to finish the Sunblight bloodline down to the last man, and settled in with the battle axe to do exactly that. Mid-fight, when the pumping-coked crowd Roadie had whipped up started tearing people apart around him, Kaldur gestured at the soot smearing his bare dwarf chest, locked eyes with the mob, and talked them down to 'no, no, no, I'm regular colored. I'm one of the good ones. I'm one of the good ones.' Chopped the enlarged Duergar leader through the shoulder and ribs — 'sounds like a fucking side of beef chopping through the ribs.'

Took a long-distance mental note that Roadie, two sessions in a row, has personally orchestrated the burning or dismembering of a crowd for a show. In the backroom at the Uphill Climb, after watching Dreadie extract a wet red lump from Scales' throat and hearing Scales speak his real voice for the first time, Kaldur delivered the session's unofficial headline review — 'what the fuck happened to your voice?' — and gratefully redistributed loot. Walked away from the night with 20 extra gold, a potion of growth, a potion of invisibility, a bag of mystery alchemical dust, and the +1 Deep-Duergar war pick nobody else wanted to carry.

Vindicated on his ferry-hull inspection from last session — a Mind-Master Duergar was in fact squatting in the hull, used mind-mastery to make Rico attack Scales, and tried to shrink and escape through the deck. Kaldur chopped him in half as he fled, then yoinked the Duergar's rune-dagger (d6 psychic in the hands of a non-Duergar, 3d6 for a Deep-Duergar worshipper) and refused to convert for extra damage. Deception-rolled the drunk ferryman Scython into believing the Duergar had opened the hull, not Dreadie's miscast Thunderwave.

Translated the hit-list letter the party pulled off the Children-of-Splintered-Ice tower: targets ordered by 'Ice Knife,' signed Nemitra, Wet Trout owner. Walked the signed hit-list straight to Captain Argiloth of the East Haven watch, who arrested Nemitra at the Wet Trout on sight. Then Kaldur, as part-owner by 'foredeck,' promptly claimed himself acting barkeep ('three drinks to you, bucko, because you fucking arrested my boss, and now I'm the boss'), spent the afternoon yelling at Natty to put her skirt back down and get the goddamn trout pies out, and later wrestled a greatsword-waving PCP'd Rico into chains without hurting him. Kaldur's player-admired line of the night: 'I don't think these guys know about boat law.'

Took a second long-distance bloodstone-rune call from his cousin Astral while off-duty — Astral kept dilating conversation about the family reunion with no interest in reading the room, Kaldur sat through it respectfully because the Proxy of Klangadin outranks him. Also made good on last session's offer, crafting Rico a moon-themed scabbard with Magecraft before the morning's rocket-sled run. Clocked immediately at the burning gig that something was deeply wrong with the sudden second guitar — but trusted the show enough to let Roadie's zombie-shredder flashback ride.

Flatly refused William Moon's level-up-for-fealty bribe on principle — 'By the power of the Borodin Sarmine, I'm not fucking saying that' — and stayed a level behind Rico and Dreadie for the whole session as a matter of pride. Held the choke-point doorway again, this time through both cult waves; the DM's read was 'defense wins the day' as attack after attack whiffed on his AC.

Inside Roadie's fog cloud, Kaldur's tremorsense turned him into a killing machine — 'every swing is killing every single one' — and Dreadie's aftermath image of Kaldur emerging from the fog covered in eyeballs and blood became the session's signature dwarf beat.

Second wave, after Dreadie's Color Spray blinded the last cultist, the man threw down his cudgel and dropped to his knees. Rico moved in to convert him — 'pledge allegiance to William Moon?' — Roadie tried to talk Kaldur into sparing him with a mercy dose from the drug pocket. Kaldur's thumbs itched. He beheaded the man mid-plea. Dwarven brutality, cold and consistent with last session's teeth-knocking interrogation.

Got pulled into a long astral call from his cousin Astro (Astral), son of the Proxy of Klangadin and hero of a realm — patched in via a bloodstone rune Astro's father helped craft. Astro rambled about a Desert Valley family reunion and potato-salad-vs-beans preferences for the better part of an hour; Kaldur, respectfully outranked, just let him talk. Also cousin-tolerated Rico's William Moon evangelism with a series of 'I got nothing against the queers or nothing' shrugs and one flat 'don't put me in a situation where I have to kill Rico.'

Used Magecraft to Replicate Magic Item a plus-one shield. Rescued Samantha at the Wet Trout when the Cold-handed Man dragged her out into the killing cold — smashed a window to intercept — and got the Cespilar blackberry wine recipe as a family-secret thank-you (Samantha has diluted elven blood).

Aboard the ferry immediately clocked a suspicious hole in the hull, made to look like normal wear, sized for a Mind-Master Duergar shrinking through. Chopped it open with the battle axe on the way out, promising to mend it after the rat hunt.

Held the White Lady Inn gig together after Rico's meltdown with a pyrotechnic ZZ-Top strut and a magecraft-boosted bass fill. Later did field surgery on Rico's leather pants around the exposed testicle: 'hold the ball in while I close it with mending, or you're gonna bleed out.'

Recognized a shardalyn statue in Speaker Danneth's office — dark crystal from Crenshinabon that whispers people toward corruption — and warned Dreadie off it. Interrogated the captured cultist with genuine dwarven brutality, knocking teeth out until real answers arrived; extracted the name Thrynne the Black and the destination of High Plume Station. Rated Roadie's soft-talk approach to the same interrogation 3.5/5.

In the William Moon barrow, recognized the one-armed thief's left-hand prosthetic as Paxton's work. Solved the skald-riddle on William Moon's shield by decoding rattle-frame / vein-mead / whale-road / mountain-cloak as kennings for skeleton / blood / ocean / clouds, and located the hidden door. Failed the dex save into the Ginnungagap void chamber and cracked stone with his forehead getting out.

Kept the party moving with Magecraft as needed — thief's tools for Rock, moon-themed goggles for Rico, and a disarming pick for the barrow's cold-magic sarcophagus-door trap. Wedged himself in the sarcophagus-chamber choke-point doorway with shield up, holding the entire cult contingent one-at-a-time at the narrow opening: 'come get some, bitches.'

“Dreadie Mercurie needs to make sure they have a good time.”

“Christ, Roadie. What's wrong with you?”

“Dreadie Mercurie didn't know, so don't tell Dreadie Mercurie, Dreadie Mercurie didn't know.”

“Fungus beard. Try that next time. See, you're a poet and you didn't know it.”

“Dreadie Mercurie has waited for this moment his entire life.”

“That son of a bitch stole my likeness.”

“I must insist that we go to Kerr Koenig as well.”

“That is precisely who I had in mind.”

“Dreadie Mercurie isn't going to suit up until he's had some wine.”

“You might want to calm down with your intolerance there a little bit, champ.”

“Ground Control to William Moon — will you reach out and help me soon?”

“It's much easier to dismantle an establishment from the inside.”

“If you want Dreadie Mercurie's cooperation, I think you're going to have to be absolutely honest with Dreadie Mercurie.”

“Pretty sure he's Loki.”

“You know, flattery will get you halfway there. The truth will get you the whole way.”

“It's not the size, mate. It's how you use it.”

“Excuse me, gorgeous golden-haired man.”

Pirouetted past two cultists at the Town Hall raid and double-hand-smacked the last standing raider with Shocking Grasp. His eyeballs exploded across Kaldur's chest — the old ones rolling down the dwarven chest plate 'like one of those sticky toys you throw against the wall.'

Ran up to the last conscious cultist in the sarcophagus-chamber fight and clapped him on the ass with another Shocking Grasp. Cultist's dying words: 'I was born without an ass.' Dreadie held on; his scream raised in pitch until his eyes exploded and 'all went quiet.'

Dreadie opened the session by demanding a Dirty Shirley before Dreadie Mercurie did anything, caught a frog in his throat on the preview-song performance check (DM: 'it's a cherry stem, god damn it'), and tried to kick in the front door of Denev's Rest. He broke his pinky toe. Enjee ended up picking the lock from the inside after Scales dive-rolled through the window.

In the Denev's Rest fight he mostly played support and ran away. He vicious-mocked a Duergar's beard ('fungus beard — try that next time, see, you're a poet and you didn't know it'), self-cast Cure Wounds while 'vigorously touching himself' from behind Sanctuary, dropped Color Spray so the party could escape the fully-feral crowd on the way out, and belly-crawled uncomfortably close to Scales to cast through his shoulder. Rolled a 20 performance check on the second gig and spent most of the night studying Roadie with growing concern.

The night's two signature beats were: (1) catching Roadie mid-relapse and holding out a bone guitar pick as a test — 'Wetz Gorland, because he's still technically our Roadie' — Roadie dropped it, Dreadie noted the exact material (bison bone, innocent), filed it; (2) agreeing to heal Scales' long-standing throat injury out of pure friendship and pulling an actual red lump of flesh out of his throat, which Dreadie tried to replace with a handkerchief before giving up. Scales' real voice came back as a thick Louisanna drawl. Dreadie's post-encounter defense: 'Dreadie Mercurie didn't know, so don't tell Dreadie Mercurie, Dreadie Mercurie didn't know.' Later refused to hand off his spare Nightcaller whistle to Roadie on the grounds that an undead-haunted bard should probably not be issuing undead-adjacent magic whistles to the roadie trying to break away from undead lich lords.

Opened the session misfiring an older-edition Thunderwave on the ferry Duergar — the 5e Legacy version burst-thundered the hull instead of pushing, blew a foot-and-a-half hole in the boat, and lit the whole fight on fire. Got her dick split clean in twain by the Duergar's rune-dagger for 18 damage ('your white pants look like you had your period'), was Lay-on-Hands'd back together by Scales 'a little off-center' with a capital-M urethra, and then stole the dagger as a plus-D6-psychic sidearm.

In the tower, cast Cure Wounds on Rico right as he was bleeding out, dropped a Spirit-of-Fortune Elton-John-shaped Renegade teleport to shuttle Rico out of melee, and used Vicious Mockery on an imaginary sea-lion for sport. Took a session-defining distraction in the kitchen when a half-orc barmaid named Natty 'walked out with an absolute dump truck' — Dreadie struck the pose, slid up and clapped her on the ass, failed the DC-10 passive performance roll ('rolling around this kitchen, this kitchen is going to be tatters'), ejaculated with such force he was thrown across the prep table, and in doing so wrote a brand-new Queen pastiche in her head: 'Fat Bottom Orcs' ('you make the rockin' world go round'). The band is contractually required to play it at the next gig.

Got teleported mid-outhouse by William Moon to a shared room with Rico — Moon declared them 'my two disciples' and demanded both. Dreadie, who last session leveled up via the Moon ladder but refuses to be anyone's disciple, dropped a one-liner ('that son of a bitch stole my likeness') and jumped out the window to end the audience. Afterwards persuaded Captain Argiloth with heroic inspiration to make the Burning Man gig a double by adding William O. Cosby to the pyre — the captain, who had almost been poisoned by Cosby's horchata the prior week, didn't need much convincing. At the gig, straddled a cannon in Cher-on-the-Battleship pose for a key crowd beat during Fat Bottom Orcs.

Took the William Moon bait mid-fight after a long standoff — belted 'Ground Control to William Moon, will you reach out and help me soon?' and got his level three the moment the moonbeam hit. Then immediately began treating the whole William Moon phenomenon as an infiltration op: 'it's much easier to dismantle an establishment from the inside.'

Cast Heat Metal on Bolgrim's longsword and watched the boar-scarred cult leader burn through the whole fight at disadvantage. Debuted Dreadie's College of Spirits with a fortune-teller — flavored as a D&D-ass Elton John floating behind her — and used it to top Rico off for nine HP after the troll dog nearly killed him. Later dropped Color Spray on the choke point ('glitter ball, bitch!') to blind the second wave and let Kaldur and Scales work in peace.

Had William Moon show up in person at the Big Fat Knucklehead for a private argument. Refused to be his disciple, demanded honesty, watched him reveal the whole 'don't be gay' tenet was a translation error, and finally listened to him claim he 'once banged a horse' before walking through a wall. Dreadie's post-encounter diagnosis: 'Pretty sure he's Loki.' His strategy hasn't changed — dismantle from the inside.

With Kaldur's help, crafted the troll-skin strips into a potion of longevity before the two-day window closed. At the Wet Trout gig hit disadvantage on the opening beats because Havel (Dreadie's 'agent') had stepped out, but managed to steer the crowd meter back up in time for Scales' critical closer. In the post-gig VIP room, ran a strength-based seduction check on the starstruck door guard for the Moonanite pamphlet drop.

Carried the White Lady Inn gig despite Rico's meltdown with a Freddie-Mercury entrance. Defended Rico's exposed testicle to a heckling ambassador: 'it's not the size, mate, it's how you use it.'

Spotted the shardalyn statue in Speaker Danneth's office. Asked the White Lady where the spirits yearn to rock — 'Kerr Koenig, the corpse' — reinforcing the player-assigned mission for her character: Yuna from FFX with music instead of dancing, bringing rock to unquiet spirits.

Wandered off from the cultist interrogation to flirt with the one-armed mercenary Finulf One-Hand ('excuse me, gorgeous golden-haired man') while the rest of the party knocked teeth out. Cast Heroism on Kaldur before the sarcophagus-chamber fight. Pulled out her common-tier magic whistle mid-fight only to remember she still needs to awaken it before it does the animate-dead thing.

“I'm sorry, I'm still trying to forget my — I don't know.”

“What do you want us to look for?”

“I'm not going to speak.”

“I don't know, man. It's one of these fucking streaky-ass fucking rolls. I really need to fucking fire my agent.”

“Somebody just got stabbed in the dick.”

“This is your fault, you know that, right?”

“We want a small barbecue.”

“You're sick, fuck, you know that?”

“Listen, man — why don't you go to the room, lay down and go to sleep.”

“I'd like to make it clear I'm not using death.”

“I'm going to take my four hours of sleep while he's doing that. My eyes don't close or open, so you can't really tell if I'm sleeping or not.”

“Hey, temporary bandmates — some weird creepy guy in a cape came up and just put this on a table in front of me.”

“I don't really drink, you dig? Just put it up in there so I look like I'm drinking.”

“I'm a little different, but that's what makes all of us special — the differences that we have.”

Called out 'troll dog — you gotta burn it,' then kept feeding fire until the Gillitrut Troll's regen quit. Finished it with a Sorcerous Burst through the drumsticks while it was still trying to bite Scales in half.

Popped an inspiration die on a Sorcerous Burst into the melee choke point and blasted a cultist's head so hard the DM narrated it as 'absolutely explodes like a hot bag of shit' — most of the bag hit Rico.

Later in the same fight, targeted the last cultist standing after Dreadie's Color Spray, one Sorcerous Burst crit; the DM's post-mortem: 'You targeted this guy. You killed him. He had one HP.' Enjee trotted back to the drum kit.

Whole body already glowing purple with Innate Sorcery, Enjee tapped his drumsticks together as a spellcasting focus, pointed them at the last standing raider, and unloaded a Sorcerous Burst that blew the man's head clean off for 12 damage. Then trotted back to the corner as if nothing had happened.

Enjee introduced himself to Rourke at the Uphill Climb as 'the drummer, man', then stuck close enough to the band to be useful without volunteering his face. During the second preview song in Rourke's bar he landed a 20 performance check that calmed the whole room before the chaos.

At Denev's Rest he picked the lock after Dreadie's belly-flop (Kaldur buffed his thieves' tools roll with Magecraft). Then he caught a cheap-shot stab from a hidden Soul Blade on the way up the stairs that nearly took him out of the fight. He Mind-Slivered and Mind-Whipped from behind cover for the rest of the fight, kept Innate Sorcery lit so his body glowed purple like a signal lantern, and generally got through on terror plus a healthy respect for his own squishiness. The DM's 'do you have any of your fucking gear equipped?' revealed he had wandered into melee without armor, and he spent the night upgrading his understanding of 'off-stage' versus 'in the drum pit' positioning.

After the fight he detected the hollow floorboard and the mundane dart-trap over the Duergar treasure stash. Roadie disarmed the trip wire with Mage Hand; Enjee picked the lock with advantage (sleight of hand + thieves' tools) and nat-19'd into 340 gold, 620 silver, four garnets, two black onyx, a mithril ingot, and two potions. Confirmed to the party afterward that nothing in the stash was marked for undead and that the war pick's clan iconography might be useful for tracking the one surviving Duergar if a diviner could be found. Spent the end-of-session chatter trying to forget what he'd watched the eleven-year-old do with the dead Duergar body.

Climbed up a scales-stepladder to escape the flooding ferry below decks and spent the fight above with Scython, running cover: 'I don't know, man, somebody just got stabbed in the dick. I really need to fire my fucking agent.' Called Scython the stabbing situation as the Duergar's fault.

At the tower, dropped Sleep on both Children of Splintered Ice at once and locked them out of the opening exchange, giving Roadie the window to chain-grapple Felith. Later used Mind Sliver into Mind Whip on PCP'd Rico — the two-cast combo (-4 to the Mind Whip save, which Rico rolled a 2 on anyway) dropped Rico into unconsciousness mid-greatsword-swing in the Wet Trout. Enjee's post-knockout statement to Roadie, flat and goblin-level: 'this is your fault, you know that, right?'

At the Burning Man gig, locked in a four-on-the-floor-plus-back-beat under Kaldur's thrumming bass that gave the band its first real pocket. Called the double burning out loud for what it was ('we want a small barbecue') and then promptly steered the band through to a critical close while Roadie had his undead-pick flashback stage-left. Also sent Des Moines up over the pyre to find the source of the mystery second guitar — came back with 'you were just standing there, dog, that's clearly you.'

Held the party's line on William Moon — flatly, repeatedly, no. Also stated for the record mid-combat: 'I'd like to make it clear I'm not using death.'

Instantly recognized the Gillitrut Troll from its 'weird guttural mucusy bark' and got fire on it before the party lost anyone to its regeneration — his Sorcerous Bursts did most of the meaningful work on the troll dog and later on the cultist that 'exploded like a hot bag of shit' near Rico.

Received a cylindrical stone dropped on his table by a cloaked courier — coordinates that Kaldur immediately triangulated to Argent Hall in the Spine of the World. Shared it with the party. Bearer of the party's new map thread.

Slept upright in the 'cuck chair' between Scales' bed and the door — only needs four hours, and being purple and gelatinous means his eyes don't close, so Rico had no way of knowing Enjee wasn't awake. Rico read him the entire Book of Moon-nite tenets for those four hours. Enjee woke up involuntarily knowing every single tenet, which he described as 'critical information' he needed to get out of his head.

At the Wet Trout gig, hit disadvantage all set because Havel (his 'agent') was off-map; kept the beat honest anyway and unlocked the crowd meter for Scales' critical close. During Roadie's fog-cloud crisis he tried to shoot randomly into the fog and was politely reminded he could see just fine. Used illusion to project the band's symbol above the stage as they signed off.

Fired up Innate Sorcery mid-Town-Hall raid — body glowing bright purple like a lightbulb before dimming down — and dropped a Sleep on the raiders, putting two of them out for the duration of the fight. Then scouted Speaker Danneth's basement dungeon under Kaldur's whispered orders — turned out to be empty, only guards gambling, no monster below, no prisoners.

Asked the White Lady for a drum-kit-sized bag of holding. She pointed him at Triglio in Targos and Ewan's Trinkets in Bremen. Introduced himself to Prudence, when he couldn't hear the room, as 'the boy.'

Made it through the Ginnungagap void chamber and the Norn's-loom puzzle mostly by getting Kaldur to shepherd him. In the sarcophagus chamber, ran to close the door on the incoming cult reinforcements to buy the party breathing room.

“Barkeep, over here for a sec. I heard you said something about your old place. It's haunted.”

“You know, originally — you know — we just, you know, wanted to make sure we had a really good show.”

“Surely these people can handle their booze and cocaine, right?”

“This isn't who I am anymore.”

“I gave him fake drugs. He just thought it was good.”

“I got a pocket for ups, I got a pocket for downs, I got a pocket for crazy, crazy strength.”

“Sometimes, when your talent is so great, the only way to truly break through to the next level is with — well — some drug enhancements. That can sometimes go awry.”

“This has to be a memorable show for everyone trying to make a name for ourselves.”

“There was an incident at Bloodstock. They were considered non-nookie compliant, I don't know. It wasn't deep.”

“I got some shears. I'll cut his fucking head off.”

“He's a red wizard. He was already going to be burned alive. I mean, it's these people's arcane ritual.”

“It starts so small with like believing in a divine power, and then it always ends with lighting people on fire on stage.”

“Once you open the door to William Moon, you can't really close it.”

“If anyone doesn't want to get pregnant, please leave the room now.”

“I mean, I think you've learned your lesson about running with cults, right?”

“I could give him one trip of the drug pocket. Maybe he'd turn his life around.”

“Sometimes you dominate the gorilla, and sometimes the gorilla dominates you.”

“It's a beautiful thing, man. When the sex and the drugs and the rock and roll all come together. One beautiful moment of pure, pure expression.”

“This guy's a fan, you should give him a drink.”

Roadie arrived in Caer Dineval, met a barkeep who complained of a haunted ex-tavern, and saw an opportunity to monetize a brainwashed crowd. He talked Rourke into two kegs' worth of ale 'as a ritual exorcism material,' loaded them with cups onto the top of the Chuggy Pig, hoisted a stage up there, charged a single silver per beer (and started crying out beers to the crowd for one silver at a time), paraded through Caer Dineval, and emptied the whole town into the abandoned Denev's Rest to perform what Kaldur called the 'kid-and-play method of exercising demons.'

When things started getting ugly inside — Duergar emerging from the floors, a lone town-militia man beaten reverse-Rodney-King dead by the crowd — Roadie did not slow down. He grappled a Mind-Master Duergar at the top of the stairs ('I started with four chains'), chained him in place so he could not shrink or enlarge, and shoved him down the staircase into the mob. The 'Pumbled to death — Crit, crit, crit' moment that followed was his handiwork. Immediately afterward he spotted the one person who could truly amp this crowd and acknowledged seeing him — but 'sadly didn't see him as he charged forward.' Clear implication: Dreadwurst's ghosts haven't let go. Roadie climbed onstage anyway and shredded a solo so Lich-Brisket-flavored that Dreadie held out a bison bone guitar pick like a test. Roadie turned, saw a child chewing on a Duergar, dropped the pick, walked away, and reverted. Then went back after everyone's attention was elsewhere and hacked a Duergar head off a corpse to try to reverse-engineer their soul-weapon tech into a magic pick for Rico. Kaldur caught him. Kaldur did not comment.

After the long rest Roadie's post-mortem to Rourke was 'we had the whole town chugging beer and sniffing lines off the bar.' He also confirmed he had slipped the 11-year-old boy, Timmy, 'fake drugs' (green tea in a gorilla-panic packet, saving the real packets for Rico). Rourke paid them twenty gold a head anyway. The ghosts were gone, close enough.

Earned the ferry-sinking save of the season by diving into icewater up to his belly button, Dex-save-20'ing his way to wedging leather armor into Dreadie's Thunderwave hole, and then slow-casting Mending until the hull sealed — a one-dwarf flood-stop that spared the East Haven ferry. Resurfaced to piss himself blind on the deck as his candy-corn-shaped frozen anatomy caught up with him.

At the tower, invented the party's new favorite tactic: grapple-plus-chain-contest. Grappled Felith on a bonus action and chained her up with a DC-13 solo athletics roll ('I started with four chains'), then promptly did the same thing to the second Child of Splintered Ice. Both targets spent the fight locked to their own bodies. Bonus-action-helped Rico for advantage from across the room (Harper Agent).

Back in East Haven, slid a packet of gorilla panic into Rico's moonshine like a teabag ('you can give the gorilla panic to the elf? I'll let you know, Roadie: moon elves have a lacking enzyme'), triggering the Wet-Trout kitchen incident; afterwards switched the labels on his remaining gorilla-panic packets with green tea in case Rico ever asked for more. In the morning, interrogated Dzan the Red Wizard by offering the full drug-pocket menu ('I got a pocket for ups, I got a pocket for downs, I got a pocket for crazy, crazy strength'), then ketamined him for mercy and later cocaine-blew his face mid-pyre to counteract the ketamine so the screams would come through for the show. Kaldur's assessment: 'That's pretty fucked up.' Roadie's: 'He's a red wizard — he was already going to burn.'

The heart of the session, though, was Roadie's unmasking. Mid-set he collapsed behind cover, took a guitar pick from an undead Adidas-hooligan (confirmed real — last session's hallucinated zombies were in fact Lich-Brisket agents), and transformed into a different person entirely: dreadlocks regrew from his frosted tips, a second guitar line kicked in over the pyre, and he shredded a solo nobody could locate until he dropped the pick and reverted. Then, visibly hollowed out, told the band: he used to play rhythm for Lich Brisket, a Limp-Bizkit-styled band fronted by a lich called Dreadwurst that burned the 'non-nookie compliant' crowd alive at Bloodstock '99. He left the fold. Dreadwurst isn't happy. The pick is a leash. Roadie's stated response: 'I got some shears. I'll cut his fucking head off.'

Refused William Moon in-character with the framing that his cults always end with 'lighting people on fire on stage' — a callback to the burning-Dzan gig he himself booked last session — and later summarized the whole William Moon problem as 'once you open the door to William Moon, you can't really close it.'

Dropped a fog cloud on the barrow choke point so Kaldur could tremorsense-slaughter uninterrupted. Ran the Rico-in-fugue-state rescue via healing potion. Interrogated the Wet Trout owner Nemitra with a hard-fumbled deception check — 'sorry, oops, I rolled with advantage, that was a one' — got shut down and told to just play his set.

During the noon gig, Roadie's own drug pocket caught up with him: he hallucinated a stage rush by undead hooligans in sequined Adidas tracksuits, called them 'rock hooligans,' tried a reverse stage dive to tackle the lead one, missed the imaginary target and ate the side of the stage face-first, bloodied his nose. Scales — who does not usually detect the undead — confirmed genuine traces of undead footprints in Adidas shoes on the stage, which nobody quite knew what to do with. Roadie's next thought: 'if only Ramrod were here, he'd know what to do.'

Ran the Cold-handed Man pursuit with Kaldur out the smashed window; the man outran them (bonus-action dash rogue vs. no bonus-action dash rogue). Also called out the shrunken-Duergar hole in the ferry's hull.

Dosed Rico with gorilla panic before the gig to see what would happen, then dosed the Blackstaff ambassador Therindrel of Waterdeep with gorilla-panic tea disguised as a fan gift: 'this guy's a fan, you should give him a drink.' Therindrel of Waterdeep stripped naked and ran into the snow. During the gig, headbanged 'help action' at Rico from the wings, keeping the show marginally on the rails.

Announced the party's crash-entry into the Town Hall raid: 'now taking the stage — a band that needs no introduction.' Dropped a smoke bomb to blind the choke point, then Greco-grappled the last conscious raider and tied him up for interrogation. Soft-talked the captured cultist (rated 3.5/5 by Kaldur) and stole his white tunic on the way out. Scouted the speaker's basement (all cells empty).

Booked the band a paying gig at Speaker Danneth's public burning of the Red Wizard prisoner Dzan — 30 gp base, plus 20 gp extra if they harmonize their instrumentation to his screams — before realizing he'd just set up a show where someone is burned alive on stage.

Tied off the escape rope in the Ginnungagap chamber with a DC-15 investigation roll. Grabbed the iron thread on the Norn's-loom with fancy footwork — including a save-your-partner grab of Kaldur's ass. Successfully identified and disarmed the barrow's cold-magic sarcophagus-door trap. In the sarcophagus chamber, floated the plan that would define the session's final beat: use the shears once on a rope, on nothing important, so they vanish back to the Norns and the cult never gets them.

Ran to the White Lady Inn to beg the band for help when cultists stormed the Town Hall, then fought her way in alongside them. Told Rico she found his moon-swordsmanship 'very impressive.' Deflected Rico's William-Moon pickup line and every follow-up.

Rescued from a five-strong cultist raid demanding the shears. Told the party the story of the one-armed thief with the fancy left-hand prosthetic who stole the Urogears that same morning. His basement dungeon was suspiciously empty when Roadie scouted it — no prisoners, no 'awakened one' visible yet. Booked the band for the public burning of Dzan the Red Wizard in two days.

Trashed the band to Rico's face at the White Lady Inn, then flirted with Dreadie Mercurie ('this boy's got a little sugar in his tank'). Rico whispered the band's real name to him; Roadie served him gorilla-panic tea as a 'fan gift.' Therindrel of Waterdeep knocked over a table, stripped his clothes off, and ran into the snow, screaming.

Caught up with the party during the Town Hall raid — lucid enough to hunt revenge — and hurled a Polymorph at Rico as payback for the charm-and-drug at the bar. The spell failed to stick; Rico shrugged it off ('I fight better when I'm injured'). Therindrel of Waterdeep disengaged from the fight, but definitely knows what the party looks like now.

Ran the party's seance after their gig. Channeled four questions to the White Lady before Roadie's 'how you doing?' broke the mood.

Cornered by the party in the barrow's sarcophagus chamber, nearly triggering the whole-tomb collapse trap before they explained they'd already killed the cult raiding party outside. Explained Uror's Shears — Norn shears that cut through anything but return to the Norns after a single use. Split healing potions with the party, warned that cult reinforcements were closing in, and set up to fight them off jointly. Mentioned another Fang — 'poor Scar' — still separated somewhere out in the tunnels. When Kaldur asked, confirmed he knows Paxton personally.

Told naked-in-the-snow Rico 'get on stage or else you're fucking fired' at the top of the gig. Later expressed disgust at the exposed testicle: 'what the fuck is wrong with that elf?'

Named this session as a missing person the party is expected to find. Location hint from the White Lady: eastern shore, north.

Interrogated by the band in his cell before the pyre. Rico tried to convert him to William Moon in exchange for freedom and was overruled by the rest of the party. In exchange for Roadie's ketamine to dull the pain of burning, Dzan gave up: that the Chaos Wolf is still bound by Gleipnir and Uror's Shears is the only tool capable of cutting that chain; that the deepest Skald/Fenris lore is on Skaldholm (an island west of the Purple Rocks); and that his simulacrum was sent out into the tundra with a wight, in hopes that the party could reach it and so enter his lair below the Lucky Liar in Lonelywood. Was then burned alive on-stage, pre-cocained by Roadie so his screams would carry the second half of the show.

The band was booked to play at his execution — 30 gp base, plus 20 gp extra if they harmonize their instrumentation to his screams. Roadie is planning the stage layout.

Introduced this session as Roadie's familiar.

Wound up and released before the White Lady Inn gig. Enjee showed the DM a picture of it earlier in prep.

Turned up mid-combat in the barrow's sarcophagus chamber. Called the party powerful enough to entrust the shears to, and told Roadie he believes 'William doesn't care who has them as long as the cult doesn't.' Booked the band a future gig at Sig's Swig in Port Last. Kaldur's insight caught a strange pause every time Kostov brought up William Moon — the party hasn't followed up but has filed it away.

Also quietly warned Scales, dragonborn-to-dragonborn, that 'Icewind Dale was once a seat of great power and we have felt its loss acutely,' then declined to elaborate when Scales pressed.

Called Kaldur out of the blue at the Big Fat Knucklehead. Chatted about his current expedition into the Desert Valley (Red Larch area), the family reunion he's putting together, and whether Kaldur is more of a potato-salad guy or a beans guy. Explained the mechanics of the bloodstone rune to Kaldur unprompted — his father, the Proxy of Klangadin, helped him craft it after Astro 'killed something strong for once, with my mace.'

First appeared this session at Rico's post-gig VIP interlude.

Thanked Kaldur with the Cespilar blackberry-wine recipe (elven-heritage secret, not to be shared around). Told Kaldur what the townsfolk have been calling her attacker: the Cold-handed Man, real name Sifos Cifik, and that people say he is snatching victims to sacrifice to a cold entity 'like they used to do for Aurel' — though Aurel is dead.

Exposed as 'Ice Knife,' the Children-of-Splintered-Ice cell master in East Haven. Captain Argiloth arrested her at the Wet Trout on the strength of the signed hit list; she submitted without a fight, leaving Kaldur to foredeck himself into acting barkeep.

First introduced this session as the Wet Trout's owner. Booked the band's noon slot; ate a smashed window in stride when Kaldur crashed through to save Samantha.

Introduced this session. Scales took her up on the 11 pm offer; Kaldur woke to noises from next door.

Introduced this session at the Wet Trout. The party is now aboard his boat on the way northeast up the coast to hunt for Bot Withers.

Pushed hard on Dreadie to accept discipleship this session and got refused a second time — Dreadie dropped a one-liner ('that son of a bitch stole my likeness') and leapt out the window to end the audience. On Rico, by contrast, the Moon ratchet keeps tightening: Rico now believes his own name literally means 'chosen one' and that William Moon personally inspired the naming. Enjee, Kaldur, and Roadie remain unmoved.

Actively working on the band this session — one-on-one time with Rico (converted), then Dreadie (leveled up, refuses discipleship, believes he is Loki). Told Dreadie the world of Toro is under threat and 'for whatever reason the weave of fate has decided that your band is going to be at the crux of survival or destruction.' Promised to fix Dreadie's teeth.

Referenced this session for the first time.

First introduced this session. Arrested Nemitra at the Wet Trout on the strength of the signed Ice-Knife hit list, then hosted the band for a pre-gig tour of East Haven prison. Was persuaded by Dreadie to double the Burning Man docket by adding William O. Cosby to the pyre — the horchata incident clinched it. Kept calling the band 'Chaos Wolf' without being asked, suggesting Rico's spelling has traveled.

First introduced this session. Offered Roadie 'this delicious juice I made up right here in the toilet,' asked Scales if he had any pockets for 'no pain.' Was burned at the stake during the band's gig after Dreadie successfully persuaded Captain Argiloth to make the Burning Man a double — his +13 charisma made his death-screams actually harmonize with Scales' saxophone.

First introduced this session as a Wet Trout barmaid. Inspired Dreadie's new song 'Fat Bottom Orcs' and performed with the band at the double-burning gig — Scales lit her up in pink/violet Faerie Fire while she clapped her ass on the cannon.

Introduced this session, cameo only. Will shortly receive word that her husband was dragged out onto a keelboat and sacrificed to Cryonax with a snowflake carved into his forehead.

First encountered this session. Booked the band for an evening slot at the Uphill Climb and casually name-dropped Kaldur's uncle. Warned the party about the sick Speaker, the private militia with black swords up at the Caer, and the haunted old inn across town. Roadie talked him into trading two kegs of beer and ale as 'ritual exorcism materials,' then watched the band roll a stage out on top of the Chuggy Pig and start selling the beers back to townsfolk. Pays the band 20 gp each after the fact for 'exorcising' Denev's Rest, declaring the ghosts gone close enough. Confirmed to Roadie that he knows a boy named Timmy who wants to travel to Waterdeep to become a master healer — a child whose name is about to haunt everyone.

First appeared this session, introduced by name after the fact. The band's post-match discussion rapidly promoted him to 'Timmy the cannibalistic necromancer' and a future-campaign recurring villain in-joke — 'in a future campaign, we need to run across Timmy the Necromancer for sure.' He is still here, in Caer Dineval, telling his mother he wants to be a healer.